Your journey is meant to be your own and not a copy of someone else’s
We humans are inherently social animals, a truth observed long ago by Aristotle. As we move through life, we form connections, build relationships, and become part of a social web. As we grow, the web keeps expanding. We are wired to look sideways, at our neighbours, our friends, relatives, the stranger on the other side of a screen, and we measure ourselves in relation to them.
Try as we might, we cannot survive without our sociosystem. Just like every other being requires an ecosystem to survive, we humans require a sociosystem. Our sociosystem consists of all those with whom we interact or have a relationship, whether personal or professional. The problem arises when we see ourselves in the context of others.
When Comparison becomes the compass
Comparison means the act of considering something or someone similar to another. If used wisely, comparison could be the most powerful tool for growth. If an athlete compares his records with those of other athletes and pushes himself to do better, then it is a forward-looking kind of comparison. It fuels ambition and efforts.
However, the moment you start comparing your inner strength and capability with the external achievements of another, it pierces through your self-worth and starts to work against your growth. We start to compare our skills and abilities with the external achievements of others. We see the progress of others and we compare it to our failures. Someone’s new car is a reflection of my failure to buy one for myself. Someone’s admission to a leading institute is my failure to get good grades. Someone’s beautiful or rich spouse is my failure to get one. Every comparison starts to reflect upon our own inner capabilities. we stop looking at our journey and instead every action is seen in the light of others and in this process we lose touch with who we are. Each time we compare, we are less of us and more of the other.
I ask, who are we to compare who is better?
When we set out to compare ourselves with others, we convene an invisible courtroom where we present evidence against ourselves, argue harshly against our own abilities and in the end we pronounce judgments against ourselves. Doesn’t it sound a little absurd that we give evidence against our own capabilities.
If you observe your life carefully, you might be doing this self-sabotage more often than you think. Each day, in subtle ways, we measure our lives against others. We see someone achieving more, moving faster, or reaching farther and without realising it, we begin to question our own journey. We scroll through the highlights of others’ lives on social media, the awards, the milestones, the radiant social life, etc., and we put them against the unfiltered, raw and crude life of ours. We compare the stage performance of others with our backstage fears, mistakes, anxieties and failures.
It’s time to return to the real race
The real comparison is not against others but against who we were yesterday. Our skills, our ambitions, our journeys, they are ours in a way that no one else’s can be. Our timeline is not a slower version of someone else’s story. It is a completely different story. The chapters are not the same. The themes are not the same. Each one’s book is different from the other and no amount of comparison can equate the two. The centre of our focus should be on us, our growth, our skills, our abilities and our ambitions. Our goal should be in accordance with our desires and not the achievements of others.
Practical ways to stop comparison and build self-worth
1. Shift the benchmark to yourself
Make yourself the reference point. Instead of asking “Am I doing as well as them?”, ask “Am I doing better than I was last month or last year?”. We know our own starting point, our own strengths and weaknesses and our finishing line. Tracking your own progress, improving skills, building habits, and gaining resilience anchors us in reality rather than illusion.
2. Borrow inspiration and not identity
Comparison isn’t always harmful. It becomes harmful when admiration turns into self-criticism. When you see someone doing well, pause and consciously reframe your thoughts from self-sabotage to self-belief and start working towards building yourself.
3. Audit the content you are feeding your mind
Most of what you see online is a highlight reel, carefully edited, filtered, and timed. You’re comparing your everyday reality with someone else’s best moments. That’s not a fair contest. Limit the content you feed onto in social media and start living in the real world.
4. Practice gratitude
Train your mind to focus on the blessings of your life. Start emphasising on what’s working for you rather than what’s missing. Comparison narrows your vision and gratitude widens it.
Stop measuring your chapter against someone else’s cover. The most extraordinary story you will ever read is the one you are still in the middle of writing and it was never meant to look like anyone else’s so believe in your worth and work hard to make it accomplished.